The Birth Partner: A Doula’s Guide to Preparing for the Big Day

Childbirth is one of the most profound and transformative experiences in a person’s life, and having the right support can make all the difference. As a birth doula, I’ve seen firsthand the incredible impact a supportive birth partner can have on the birthing person’s experience.

Whether it’s a partner, friend, or family member, the role of the birth partner goes far beyond simply being present in the room. As the birth partner, you are offering constant emotional reassurance, physical comfort, and advocacy during one of the most amazing moments of life.

This is why I created Birth Partner Bootcamp with Ally, to help birth partners become the best partner they can for their person in just one three hour course.

Let’s dive into why birth partners are so essential, how they can provide support during labor, and how to prepare for this important role. If you’re planning to be a birth partner, or want a little more information to give to your birth partner, this is for you!

Who can be a birth partner?

A birth partner is someone who provides unwavering emotional and physical support, as well as informational support and advocating for the birthing person throughout labor and delivery. This could be a spouse, partner, family member, friend. Some hire a birth doula to act as their birth partner or part of their birth team alongside a loved one.

What is the role of a birth partner during labor?

The role of a birth partner is multifaceted: emotionally, they offer reassurance, encouragement, and a calming presence, especially during moments of uncertainty or pain. Professional birth doulas like myself are never here to take over the role of your birth partner. Instead I aim to uplift your partner and encourage them to step into that role with confidence.

Physically, they can assist with comfort measures such as massage, position changes, supporting movement and encouraging rest, all of which can make a significant difference in how the birthing person experiences labor. Informational support and advocacy comes into play when the birth partner helps the birthing person make decisions, communicates preferences to the birth team, and helps them stay grounded and informed during the process.

It’s crucial to choose a birth partner who aligns with your comfort and needs. This should be someone who understands your preferences and your reason behind them, can remain calm under pressure (or at least fake it until they make it), and whose presence will offer the support and encouragement you need during this intimate experience.

Making sure your birth partner is prepared and confident can help you feel empowered, safe, and heard throughout not only labor and delivery, but also pregnancy and postpartum.

As the birth partner, your main roles are to:

• Anticipate the birthing person’s physical needs
• Protect the birthing person’s rhythm and ritual
• Facilitate informed choice by asking questions
• Offer verbal encouragement at key times
• Be a constant, calm, and reassuring presence for the birthing person

Being a prepared birth partner can have a huge impact on the labor experience – for both of you.

As the birth partner, you are your person’s rock, their biggest support, and their guide. Can they do it without that kind of support? Most pregnant people will say yes at some point in their hormone-filled pregnancy (I myself am guilty of that!). But they shouldn’t have to!

When you take the time to educate yourself about the stages of labor, pain management options, and potential complications, you’re able to provide more effective, confident support when it’s needed most. Preparation allows you to anticipate the needs of your person, whether it’s offering a comforting touch, helping them find a more comfortable position, or stepping in as an advocate when decisions need to be made.

Knowing what to expect can reduce your own stress and anxiety, which in turn creates a calm, reassuring environment for the birthing person. A birth partner who feels equipped and ready is not only more helpful during labor but can also foster a sense of safety and empowerment, allowing the birthing person to focus on their body and the birth process.

Being a prepared birth partner can be the difference between a labor experience that feels supported and calm versus one filled with uncertainty and hesitation.

How can you prepare to be the best birth partner

In my Birth Partner Bootcamp with Ally, we go into great detail on ways that a birthing person can prepare themself to confidently fill that role. Here are some of my top ways to prepare:

Educate yourself with a birthing class

Taking a childbirth education course, a birth partner bootcamp like mine, or a breastfeeding course are great ways to increase your knowledge and better understand ways that your person may need your support. Take the time to understand stages of labor, pain management options, and the various medical interventions that could be offered during the birth. Understanding the birth process will allow you to stay calm, make informed decisions, and anticipate the needs of your person before they arise.

Take the time to discuss the birth plan and your questions, hopes and needs

I always tell my clients to make a date night to sit down and discuss your birth plan. Don’t just discuss how both of you envision the labor experience going, but ask questions to really understand why your person wants things a certain way. Something that you as the birth partner may not think is important, may mean the world to your person.

Understanding why your person has certain wants and needs will help you to best support them. Make sure to communicate openly about what you both want during labor, but also remain flexible in case things don’t go according to plan.

Discuss your needs as a birth partner with your employer

Most people focus on what the birthing person will do in regards to work when they go into labor, but you need to also have a plan in place for what you as the birth partner will do. My husband was a firefighter when I had both of our children, so we had plans in place for what we would do if he was working and I couldn’t reach him. For me as the birthing person, I felt constant reassurance that regardless of what was happening or where he was, I would be able to reach him. For him as the birth partner, he felt secure in his ability to support me no matter where he was.

Take a breath, and enjoy your time before baby arrives

So many people focus on preparing the nursery and newborn care and any other baby-related thing that they forget they only have a few more months or weeks of just them two! Take this time to get to know each other more. Have conversations that you’ve been putting off or haven’t made time to have. Go on as many dates as you can handle and dream about the future you are going to have as parents. Most importantly, enjoy each other and get excited!

Birth doesn’t always go to plan…

As a birth doula, one of the most important things I remind birth partners is that your role becomes even more crucial when unforeseen circumstances arise during labor and delivery. Whether it’s a change in birth plan, unexpected complications, or a sudden shift in the environment, the presence of a calm, supportive birth partner can make all the difference.

In these moments, you aren’t just emotional anchors for the birthing person, but this is also when the ability to advocate becomes crucial so you can help with asking questions, speaking to medical staff, and providing reassurance. When things don’t go as planned, steady support can help keep your person grounded and confident, ensuring they feel heard and empowered even in the face of uncertainty.

The key is to stay present, adaptable, and focused on the needs of your person, but also knowing that in these moments you are also human and it is okay to have your own fears and concerns. Speak up and ask questions that you also need to feel informed and in control.

Being a birth partner is one of the most significant and impactful roles you can play in someone’s life. Your presence, support, and advocacy can shape the birthing experience and provide a sense of safety and empowerment during what can be an overwhelming time.

By preparing yourself through education, open communication, and taking care of your own emotional needs, you’re setting both yourself and the birthing person up for a more positive and confident experience. Whether everything goes according to plan or unforeseen circumstances arise, your role is to remain steady, flexible, and above all, present. It’s about showing up, not just for the birth, but for the journey of parenthood that begins the moment you step into this role.

To help you feel more prepared and empowered in this vital role, check out my monthly Birth Partner Bootcamp with Ally. This course is designed to educate, support, and empower birth partners, providing the tools and knowledge needed to confidently step into your role and navigate the birth process. With the right preparation, you can offer the unwavering support that will make all the difference when it’s needed most.

Your doula,
Ally

Ally Raven Doula Services LLC